When I was 3yrs old I lost my father to a heart attack I remembered small things about him but for the most part the main thing I remembered most was him falling down in church and never getting back up again. There was a lot around him falling but that was the main thing for me a small 3yr old on the front row in church.

After that we only had my mom and even though she was a great parent there are things that boys and girls really need from their dad. So when I thought to myself about when I grew up I knew just like my mom, and grandparents I was going to be a wife and mother raise my children with both parents. What I didn’t know was I never learned how to be a mate better yet a girlfriend I just knew how to obey and follow instructions. That’s what I was taught be seen and not heard and don’t cause a seen even if you don’t like it deal with it because they are your elder. It wasn’t proper to let my feelings be known. So I let men run all over me give me children and not take responsibility and leave me alone.

I thought I reversed it when I married and stayed with a man while my children were still young but he turned out to be the worst of the worse and my ex.

Now I’m watching the same pattern unfold in front of my eyes and I feel helpless to fight it and sad that I was unable to make sure that this didn’t happen to my children as it did to me the one thing I am super happy about is no matter what is going on with them they always support each other as I and my siblings did I didn’t go wrong there.