I have been fighting Social Security for over six years now and for the life of me I have been in a fog just going through the motions every day trying to figure out what The next step is to get my life back in order which direction to go or whether to just cut my losses and do what I know best to do and every time I start to go in that direction I feel like I am on the brink of, doing something that will turn my life upside down if I go that route because making rash choices in my life in the past has cost me greatly and I don’t wanna do it again even though I don’t regret those choices I don’t want to do them again and end up in a hole bigger than I’ve ever been in even though I’m not happy in the situation I’m in right now and I know I don’t wanna be in it for the rest of my life I don’t want to uproot again and start over somewhere else without having my ducks in a row or having a solid plan I don’t want to begin again without at least having everything that I know I came here with because it wouldn’t be right and I would be devastated so I’m trying to understand what it is that I need to do and why I am so hesitant to move forward even though I know I am able to land on my feet and get things done I just don’t feel like I am supposed to go anywhere right now and I don’t understand why so that is why I am trying to figure out why and why it’s taking so long and it’s such a difficult fight to get everything moving forward for me right now why am I being held here.
I am putting off making plans I am really living my life the way that I want to live it actually finding the love that will love me the way that I am used to being loved having someone who is compatible with me who is honest and loving and giving and has roots like I do and who is honorable who I wouldn’t mind taking Home to my mom and who has morals and things of that sort who I can travel with who will cherish me and celebrate me as I would them this is what I’m putting off with the life I’m living right now it’s like my life is shrouded in secrecy because of who I am with and what I’m dealing with and I’m tired of living in shame. I am a family oriented person and I want the person who I am with to be family oriented as well I love my family and I love traveling I don’t want to be just one of many I am the one and that is how it should be so this is what I’m putting off and I don’t want to continue that for much longer.
The struggle is now not forever 