I have always wanted to be remembered as someone who helped and made a difference in my families life that I have memories to cherish with my kids, grandkids and great grands along with my brothers and sisters that I was a generous person and I built a legacy that would help not only children grow into productive human beings, but also would build well for generations to come so that my family would have a family business that was surrounded by mental health, togetherness the village concept of raising children, and the connectedness of having one generation after another know each other, and be together. This is not what I see in my family society, and the world at large, my fear is that we will become a technological society and forget what it feels like to have that connection with each other to where we understand how each other thinks how each other is dependent on one another and able to function in this world so that you understand subliminal messages you understand the simple things I decide I you understand when you’re talking too much you understand when you go out to eat, you don’t act a monkey These things are important attributes of human life and it is so important for me to be able to be there to show my grandchildren and great grands how to be great human beings. These are my fears of the future because so much time has been lost, and it seems this new thought of being a working person has taken the place of being a family unit People don’t understand how important family is and what family brings you that kind of stability. Love care, unconditional love, especially when it’s your own child so this is my goal is for the future because no matter what happens in my life I know in my heart, that I will always have the love of my brothers and sisters, my nieces and nephews, because at the end of the day, we literally grew up together and I wouldn’t ever abandon them for any reason or my children no matter what they do, even if they’re hardhead as hell I still with it because I was taught better. Thank God for a mother, who prayed and still does.
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One thing I do not spend a lot of time on is self-care and time meditating for myself I spend a lot of time wondering where I should have went right when I went wrong instead of doing self evaluation’s and healing I think I would do better spending my time on self-care and self healing, and not worrying about the little hurdles that come toward me that I know, I have no power over that they are there for a reason and not to make a mountain out of a mole hill because some people are just broken and it is not my responsibility to fix them. I have to work on me and once I’m done working on me the right vibes and intensity and person will enter my life who matches my vibe, and since I know that I have to focus on what brings me peace and happiness and exit out of anything that takes away my peace and my happiness so that I stay on track and I move forward with my best life so these are things that I’ve learned and that I am working on every day sometimes I fall down but I always get back up. It might not be quick, but it is getting faster and faster.
When I was growing up, holidays were the best time of year. It was something you look forward to you celebrate it with family and friends doing things being out and about (I am so upset. I had a whole post right here and this phone decided to delete it, and I have to start again, anyway just a little pissed off about it) I loved being out with my sister and brothers or even just shopping alone thinking about them and the things I would do for them for the holidays or the things we were going to do together there were times when I would see something, and we knew each other so well that we knew each other‘s interests And likes and dislikes, so I love whichever way always make us desire to do something special for each other. If it was my mom, she was a human information seeker so I would always get her something like books or something to figure out like puzzles and things like that if it was my sister, she like trinkets and little gadget type things so if I was in a store and I saw like a little Figurine type teddy bear I would pick up a few of those knowing that she would appreciate it. If it was my brothers, they were always into moving parts so it was going to be something like a model car or a game that they had to figure out or a bike to put together, we all knew each other so well because we cared about each others inner workings so we did whatever it took to be a part of each other’s lives if it was a national holiday like the Fourth of July we planned out what to cook we were going to be at a park we were going to have some kind of major Food gathering and we were going to play games and have fun and be with either a bunch of friends, playing baseball or tag or whatever it was. We were all going to be together doing it and join each other laughing and just having a all-around good time for most of the day, and that was the most exhilarating part of life everything made sense even if it was the camaraderie of people around you one year we had been out to Santa Anita mall in California and it was just a few of us on the bus on the way back home, and the bus driver was in such good spirits But he allowed us to jump off the bus grab a Christmas tree and get back on. That was the kind of care that all of us have for each other. The seasons mattered we cooked with each other whether it was my mom doing bread my sister doing something in the kitchen, me baking cookies at the table, my brother sitting over there on the couch with my nieces and nephews, watching some kind a game or a movie
That was outrageously loud and laughing with the kids. My brother has the most infectious laugh that when he lives it trickles down the block and you can just feel people coming because it’s an atmosphere of happiness around holidays were time to get together. Enjoy each other, always think about the next person and have a feeling of connectedness And we were the kind of family that didn’t just bring gifts for our mom. We bought gifts for everyone if we’re coming, we’re going to bring something for everybody so that we all know that we have let you know you matter to us with my own children, the look on their faces when they would come out and see all the stuff under the tree it was like they would be in shock and then watching them dance to whatever new game it was that they were playing singing along to that new Michael Jackson game trying to get the beat right so they didn’t get out was funny in itself it would take me back to going to visit my grandmother and see how my cousin would be so overjoyed to find out that he got the Michael Jackson doll or a vest or shoe or whatever it was memories like that stay with you as life goes on because I no longer have my grandparents but I can still see them in my mind like they’re right here with me. I no longer have some of my cousins, but I can still see them, saying my name and talking to me and laughing and being just as silly as they were back, then and a serious as they were but still loving me all the way through my holidays are not the same now because I didn’t vet well and the person that I’m with doesn’t cherish the things that I cherish or love the things that I love so when my birthday comes I don’t get to do the things that I would do with my family as I grew up I don’t get to do Christmas or New Year’s or Thanksgiving the way that I remember it as I was growing up I don’t get to be there to bury my love ones or see how life is and feel connected the way that I used to feel some choices are regrettable. One thing I have learned, though life is full of change, and you can’t keep doing the same thing expecting a different result, because that is the very definition of insanity and I am not insane. Anyway, my holidays are different now, but they won’t be different forever
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Self love is important. I have the love me before anything.
If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?
I have several conversations with a certain person during the day and as I am talking to this person, I am always saying in my mind. In my thoughts when I walk away this person is so stupid. Why do they think like this? That was stupid this is stupid. Why do they act so stupid? Why is there behavior so stupid Why do I put up with this stupid Ness of this person every other word out of my mouth when dealing with this person is always the word stupid coming out of my mouth or a certain instances coming out of my mouth about this person makes me think that I am becoming stupid from dealing with them and I keep thinking that you are a product of the company that you keep so I always try to rephrase my thoughts and cautioned myself to put a cap on what I’m about to say or do so that I do not let that word stupid come out of my mouth because I know the more that I said the more I am bringing that back into my life so that is the one word there are others, but that is the main word that I really am working on getting rid of out of my thoughts out of my mouth and out of my heart when it comes to things that happen during my daily routine.
Spirituality is very important to me because God is life.
God has made my life worthwhile and worth living things haven’t always been easy but with him by my side, I’ve been able to get through a lot and not go over the deep end. I’ve had some very traumatic events in my life. I didn’t know what was coming next or what to do, but my faith and my belief kept me going. There’s so much more I could say, but I want him with this God is everything..
I had one of the best teacher at Blair High school taught history in my school. She was always respectful and understanding. She has passed on now I miss her She came at us so down to earth, and was pleasant always had the best intentions, and was just almost like one of us understood her. She made School fun I loved going to her class if I could go back I wouldn’t change the teachers I had because they made me into the person. I am now I see how the people who I have been around when I’ve moved to other places and I see how they are, and how they do not have the same morals and respect.She made School fun I loved going to her class if I could go back I wouldn’t change the teachers I had because they made me into the person. I am now I see how the people who I have been around when I’ve moved to other places and I see how they are, and how they do not have the same morals and respect. morals and respect for life that I have and it makes me appreciate and understand the way that I grew up even more because without those people that taught me humility and love and respect for life, I wouldn’t be this person that I am now and I greatly appreciate my upbringing and my village, because it was phenomenal. My scores were the greatest.
No matter what life brings or throws at me I cannot put myself in the place of someone else. I can only change myself I can take a life throws at me, and either take the punches and cry, or learn from them and move on, and make different choices and change from what Those choices have brought me. I cannot expect the person who threw those packages to change no matter what I do because they are who they are and they are set in their stance and I just have to accept that and be OK with moving on with my life and be happy with who I am because I know that I am not the problem because of everyone that has been in that person‘s life has also love everyone else cannot be the problem so if that person will not look at themselves, they are meant to be alone and I have to accept that and be OK with moving on and buy my own happiness, so that is what I have learned here recently because I am not meant to be unhappy in an abusive, manipulative and unhappy relationship with someone who cannot appreciate me, so I will find my own happiness.
I got on the bus this morning and in the front seat where the people with disabilities is supposed to be able to see it were a bunch of teenagers sitting there looking at me giggling and then playing with their phones I looked at them and then I looked at the bus driver they were Hispanic that didn’t matter it was the fact that they saw that I didn’t have the balance that I had a cane and that those feet were obviously for people like me and they didn’t move so I looked at the bus driver she begins to speak in Spanish telling everyone to move back I really couldn’t understand her too well but I caught a little glimpses of what she was saying because I’m rudimentary in Spanish I feel a little dismayed by the whole thing because the driver is supposed to get up and empty those seats when she sees or he and people are not moving I shouldn’t of had to stand that hallway falling all over the place when those seats are there specifically for people like me it was really upsetting.
The struggle is now not forever 