When I was growing up, holidays were the best time of year. It was something you look forward to you celebrate it with family and friends doing things being out and about (I am so upset. I had a whole post right here and this phone decided to delete it, and I have to start again, anyway just a little pissed off about it) I loved being out with my sister and brothers or even just shopping alone thinking about them and the things I would do for them for the holidays or the things we were going to do together there were times when I would see something, and we knew each other so well that we knew each other‘s interests And likes and dislikes, so I love whichever way always make us desire to do something special for each other. If it was my mom, she was a human information seeker so I would always get her something like books or something to figure out like puzzles and things like that if it was my sister, she like trinkets and little gadget type things so if I was in a store and I saw like a little Figurine type teddy bear I would pick up a few of those knowing that she would appreciate it. If it was my brothers, they were always into moving parts so it was going to be something like a model car or a game that they had to figure out or a bike to put together, we all knew each other so well because we cared about each others inner workings so we did whatever it took to be a part of each other’s lives if it was a national holiday like the Fourth of July we planned out what to cook we were going to be at a park we were going to have some kind of major Food gathering and we were going to play games and have fun and be with either a bunch of friends, playing baseball or tag or whatever it was. We were all going to be together doing it and join each other laughing and just having a all-around good time for most of the day, and that was the most exhilarating part of life everything made sense even if it was the camaraderie of people around you one year we had been out to Santa Anita mall in California and it was just a few of us on the bus on the way back home, and the bus driver was in such good spirits But he allowed us to jump off the bus grab a Christmas tree and get back on. That was the kind of care that all of us have for each other. The seasons mattered we cooked with each other whether it was my mom doing bread my sister doing something in the kitchen, me baking cookies at the table, my brother sitting over there on the couch with my nieces and nephews, watching some kind a game or a movie

That was outrageously loud and laughing with the kids. My brother has the most infectious laugh that when he lives it trickles down the block and you can just feel people coming because it’s an atmosphere of happiness around holidays were time to get together. Enjoy each other, always think about the next person and have a feeling of connectedness And we were the kind of family that didn’t just bring gifts for our mom. We bought gifts for everyone if we’re coming, we’re going to bring something for everybody so that we all know that we have let you know you matter to us with my own children, the look on their faces when they would come out and see all the stuff under the tree it was like they would be in shock and then watching them dance to whatever new game it was that they were playing singing along to that new Michael Jackson game trying to get the beat right so they didn’t get out was funny in itself it would take me back to going to visit my grandmother and see how my cousin would be so overjoyed to find out that he got the Michael Jackson doll or a vest or shoe or whatever it was memories like that stay with you as life goes on because I no longer have my grandparents but I can still see them in my mind like they’re right here with me. I no longer have some of my cousins, but I can still see them, saying my name and talking to me and laughing and being just as silly as they were back, then and a serious as they were but still loving me all the way through my holidays are not the same now because I didn’t vet well and the person that I’m with doesn’t cherish the things that I cherish or love the things that I love so when my birthday comes I don’t get to do the things that I would do with my family as I grew up I don’t get to do Christmas or New Year’s or Thanksgiving the way that I remember it as I was growing up I don’t get to be there to bury my love ones or see how life is and feel connected the way that I used to feel some choices are regrettable. One thing I have learned, though life is full of change, and you can’t keep doing the same thing expecting a different result, because that is the very definition of insanity and I am not insane. Anyway, my holidays are different now, but they won’t be different forever

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Self love is important. I have the love me before anything.