I have been fighting Social Security for over six years now and for the life of me I have been in a fog just going through the motions every day trying to figure out what The next step is to get my life back in order which direction to go or whether to just cut my losses and do what I know best to do and every time I start to go in that direction I feel like I am on the brink of, doing something that will turn my life upside down if I go that route because making rash choices in my life in the past has cost me greatly and I don’t wanna do it again even though I don’t regret those choices I don’t want to do them again and end up in a hole bigger than I’ve ever been in even though I’m not happy in the situation I’m in right now and I know I don’t wanna be in it for the rest of my life I don’t want to uproot again and start over somewhere else without having my ducks in a row or having a solid plan I don’t want to begin again without at least having everything that I know I came here with because it wouldn’t be right and I would be devastated so I’m trying to understand what it is that I need to do and why I am so hesitant to move forward even though I know I am able to land on my feet and get things done I just don’t feel like I am supposed to go anywhere right now and I don’t understand why so that is why I am trying to figure out why and why it’s taking so long and it’s such a difficult fight to get everything moving forward for me right now why am I being held here.
I am putting off making plans I am really living my life the way that I want to live it actually finding the love that will love me the way that I am used to being loved having someone who is compatible with me who is honest and loving and giving and has roots like I do and who is honorable who I wouldn’t mind taking Home to my mom and who has morals and things of that sort who I can travel with who will cherish me and celebrate me as I would them this is what I’m putting off with the life I’m living right now it’s like my life is shrouded in secrecy because of who I am with and what I’m dealing with and I’m tired of living in shame. I am a family oriented person and I want the person who I am with to be family oriented as well I love my family and I love traveling I don’t want to be just one of many I am the one and that is how it should be so this is what I’m putting off and I don’t want to continue that for much longer.
I have always wanted to be remembered as someone who helped and made a difference in my families life that I have memories to cherish with my kids, grandkids and great grands along with my brothers and sisters that I was a generous person and I built a legacy that would help not only children grow into productive human beings, but also would build well for generations to come so that my family would have a family business that was surrounded by mental health, togetherness the village concept of raising children, and the connectedness of having one generation after another know each other, and be together. This is not what I see in my family society, and the world at large, my fear is that we will become a technological society and forget what it feels like to have that connection with each other to where we understand how each other thinks how each other is dependent on one another and able to function in this world so that you understand subliminal messages you understand the simple things I decide I you understand when you’re talking too much you understand when you go out to eat, you don’t act a monkey These things are important attributes of human life and it is so important for me to be able to be there to show my grandchildren and great grands how to be great human beings. These are my fears of the future because so much time has been lost, and it seems this new thought of being a working person has taken the place of being a family unit People don’t understand how important family is and what family brings you that kind of stability. Love care, unconditional love, especially when it’s your own child so this is my goal is for the future because no matter what happens in my life I know in my heart, that I will always have the love of my brothers and sisters, my nieces and nephews, because at the end of the day, we literally grew up together and I wouldn’t ever abandon them for any reason or my children no matter what they do, even if they’re hardhead as hell I still with it because I was taught better. Thank God for a mother, who prayed and still does.
Join the family would love to have you thanks for reading
I have been on a virtual roller coaster because the meta-verse is so new to me and it’s so awesome that I find myself immersed in so many different aspects of it and so excited by all the things that I’m finding and seeing and being involved in that it is so much fun That the New World and sceneries in places that I am going to I can’t seem to get enough of it. It is mine blowing so when I am done with my chores for the day and my writing, and my immense decision, making about life and all that is going on I go into a whole New World to see and meet new people and explore what it is that is out there that I didn’t know about and I am really enjoying it so far. I can travel I can vacation I can earn, and I can meet and greet all wow in the comfort of my own home. I absolutely enjoy every aspect of it. It is a world in itself. Not to mention, I can cook and learn new cultures and languages and ways to work. It is amazing. Plus the like-minded people. I am having a blast. Still looking for my friends though.
The most positive emotion that I feel most of the time is excitement from thinking about what I have coming up for the future things that I have planned things that I am going to do for my goals that I have sat and have decided that I’m going to achieve so I am often very happy thinking about the motivation that will help me a accomplish those things
I had so much fun today walking around seeing all the people just so many women they’re selling things doing things talking about the so much going on just an exciting environment with so much enthusiasm and camaraderie among the women. It was just so nice to have people there who are just genuine Lee supporting each other, and getting things.I had so much fun today walking around seeing all the people just so many women they’re selling things doing things talking about the so much going on just an exciting environment with so much enthusiasm and camaraderie among the women. It was just so nice to have people there who are just genuine Lee supporting each other, and getting things.together with each other had some laughs has just an enjoyable time. This expo was really well informed encouragement just one of those things that you would want to be a part of I can’t wait till tomorrow.
I have been in California for almost a month now and I have accomplished most of the things I have come to do except for one thing and that’s the most important thing I came to do I’m constantly thinking of different ways to get it done but still have not done it yet. My frustration is overwhelming and I feel like I am close but not there yet. It has been a very productive month but I really need my income to come through that’s my goal and I must lose this weight as well it’s been slow and steady I am working on it every day continuously anyway I met someone who I think is going to be a good match for me also very excited about this person as well keeping positive vibes up to bring in this new person happy Monday
I was so active yesterday that I didn’t realize how much that was going to effect my body today I usually have the same routine. But when I get up this morning I was so tired that I couldn’t function or move so I kept saying a few more minutes that turned into a few hours and missed appointments.
I still ended up going food shopping but was even more exhausted after that been trying to get my spring cleaning done but it’s like this house has never ending work to do and it is really overwhelming I don’t want to give up though just wish I had friends to join in it would be different but I don’t have someone like that. Anyway happy Wednesday
I’m trying to be consistent with my workout 🏋️♂️ at the YMCA for at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes it’s not always easy for me because I feel so much pain all the time in my body. I often feel like giving up and wishing to die I had a death 💀 wish for some years which made life easy to live because nothing mattered so if I did something that caused me to leave here I would be at peace ✌🏾 finally. For some reason God would not let me go no matter how much of a dear devil 😈 I tried to be it’s so true when they say favor ain’t fair and God takes care of His own.
There have been so many times when things should have went so differently and didn’t just because it was me involved in it. I remember my pastor/Uncle Tyrone telling a story in church about being on a plain and there being some turbulence and he saying the people on that flight were so lucky because he was on it and that meant everyone was going to be fine because God takes care of His own and they were. He went on to let us know we all have that kind of power due to our relationship with God it changed my life and my way of thinking 💭 that day. I never saw God the same again or my way of thinking 🤔 about Him and this world 🌍.
I know our minds are very powerful and so are our words add action to that and we can change the world 🗺 our relationships and the way people see us. Right now I’m working on changing my body image and how I feel about myself and how I live my life the best way I live it. Happy Monday
Most nights I don’t sleep I stay up and think and clean when I’m not working I do a lot of soul-searching and trying to figure out how I can get my passion out in the world because I love working with small children my dream is to have little children learning as much as they can before their brains become concrete and they are no longer able to absorb masses of information at an early age which will give them a love for learning for a lifetime. I have always watched from the time my children were little them absorb information so quickly and be in all by how they saw the world and so excited with them and for them to see everything that I had saw through fresh eyes.
When I look at children I know that they are the next great in this world and with the right nourishment and guidance they will become a memorable part of this society and this is why I try to work as hard as I can to encourage that growth and make them be the best that they can be I’m so proud of my own children and the children that I work with even though sometimes they can be difficult and give me a hard timeWhen I look at children I know that they are the next great in this world and with the right nourishment and guidance they will become a memorable part of this society and this is why I try to work as hard as I can to encourage that growth and make them be the best that they can be I’m so proud of my own children and the children that I work with even though sometimes they can be difficult and give me a hard time
I listen to Steve Harvey in the morning when I have time and he always gives the right motivational speech to say if you’re doing something that you love it never feels like a job and that is so true because when I’m working with kids it never feels like a drag or something that I hate doing I really love seeing their faces the joy in their eyes even when they roll their eyes because they see they’re gonna have to do some work with me it’s stillI listen to Steve Harvey in the morning when I have time and he always gives the right motivational speech to say if you’re doing something that you love it never feels like a job and that is so true because when I’m working with kids it never feels like a drag or something that I hate doing I really love seeing their faces the joy in their eyes even when they roll their eyes because they see they’re gonna have to do some work with me it’s still brings me peace in knowing that they will know something more when they leave my classroom and they will have a little bit more respect for themselves and their classmates as well as me for trying to help them be better at whatever it is they need to know. We’re going into spring break and I’m going to use this time to reflect on how I can help them better during this next period of time when I’ll be working with them. Happy break everyone I will be keeping up with my diet while on spring break I have lost even more weight over this time and I am not giving up this is my goal for the year and I will not stop until I reach my goal
I had to take a long ride with my husband to advocate for him out of town but for me it was a time to get away with someone I love ❤️ and also help him convey how he is doing on a daily basis like I always do. Instead of this being a relaxing time it became an interrogation of all the things he feels I have done wrong because of his belief that he should have many relationships but not let those people know he has a wife or mate and I feel that’s wrong because he is taking their right to choose away because he can not comment to any of them so I feel like he is using them and he gets angry 😡 with me and denys me the things I desire.
He told me on this trip we are only married on paper he is not really married to me and as I thought 💭 about that and all that I have done for him it really hurt 😔 my feelings that he could be that disrespectful to me but then again what did I expect from a person that uses and disrespects women all the time in (including his own sisters) the first place can’t blame anyone but myself. Happy Saturday the last one in February! Happy Black History month
The struggle is now not forever 