I’m going home in a few weeks I haven’t been back there in 5 years and I’m excited to go it’s one of those things where I know I’m going to be around people like me and I will have time to feel like myself and have people who love me for me and the excitement is overwhelming. While at the same time I feel a sadness that I’m leaving my stuff here with someone who doesn’t cherish the things that I cherish not knowing if the things that I love will be here when I get back because of his arrogance and I don’t care attitude even though I know I wouldn’t do that to him he would do that to me and I feel angry and scared all at the same time because these are the things that I didn’t want to lose that I’ve taken with me everywhere that I went. I am very happy to be going around people that celebrate each other where I won’t have to see another birthday alone this year and I will be able to visit friends who like having people over just so many things to do that make life worthwhile I can’t wait to go most of all to get away from here and be in a good happy environment for once without someone who is pessimistic about everything and never has a kind word to say about anyone especially women because he’s bitter and narcissistic on the Covert side due to lack of nurturing I no longer take the blame for that or even care life is to short to live unhappy with someone who is supposed to love me but puts me last at every turn I’m worth more than green that’s just my name anyway happy Juneteenth
Category: travel
Teacher appreciation week
I am subbing for her teacher today she left me a sweet gift. I feel really appreciated today I love this school that I’m at next week I’ll be in my element though. They are always so friendly here and loving and involved it’s like a breath of fresh air the staff speak to you and they smile it’s like that first cuppa coffee in the morning or cappuccino that just makes you take a deep breath and have a sigh of relief do you self that says that’s what I needed. They even gave me Chick-fil-A today I really appreciate them every time I have them here I want to come back the kids are a handful and giggly and wonderful all at the same time it’s like having my own kids on a continuous basis. This is my pre-Mother’s Day teachers appreciation week ending smile on my face happy Friday with icing on top and I lost more weight my grandbaby turned one years old and I feel good.
Lil Durk concert
Today I’m at a lil Durk concert because I won tickets it’s nothing more telling then when you win something and have no one to share it with so I came alone but I’m still happy to be here because I know good still comes to me even with out anyone else no matter how much they say I’m not favored I still am and it shows every day of my life anyway happy Tuesday.
My husband got out of the hospital
It had been a week and he was still not doing well when I called 911 for him he had scared me and I wasn’t going to lose him. He was talking crazy but he was alive, I couldn’t put my finger on it and I didn’t know how to cope with it but I knew he wasn’t ready to go home in a short amount of time he was putting his affairs in order telling me what to do and how I would be able to sustain myself after he was gone and that was not rational to me him being in his 40s we have a whole life to live and I kept telling him that but he wasn’t trying to hear me he just kept saying let him go. When they finally got him to a point where he was starting to get of sound mind he began to blame me for keeping him there and that hurt even worse because when I care about somebody their life is the most important thing to me and their survival is paramount to everything else. I would never want anything to happen to him despite his treatment of people or me I still want him around because everybody deserves every chance until that last chance is given now I feel like an outsider because I wanted to check on him and was told they will see if he’s up for company (While staying at a non-immediate family members house) when I’m his wife now I’m a part of everybody else amazing that really hurts when I am the one that got him to the hospital it’s crazy if I’m only the tables were turned.
Monday workout 🏋️♀️ day
I’m trying to be consistent with my workout 🏋️♂️ at the YMCA for at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes it’s not always easy for me because I feel so much pain all the time in my body. I often feel like giving up and wishing to die I had a death 💀 wish for some years which made life easy to live because nothing mattered so if I did something that caused me to leave here I would be at peace ✌🏾 finally. For some reason God would not let me go no matter how much of a dear devil 😈 I tried to be it’s so true when they say favor ain’t fair and God takes care of His own.
There have been so many times when things should have went so differently and didn’t just because it was me involved in it. I remember my pastor/Uncle Tyrone telling a story in church about being on a plain and there being some turbulence and he saying the people on that flight were so lucky because he was on it and that meant everyone was going to be fine because God takes care of His own and they were. He went on to let us know we all have that kind of power due to our relationship with God it changed my life and my way of thinking 💭 that day. I never saw God the same again or my way of thinking 🤔 about Him and this world 🌍.
I know our minds are very powerful and so are our words add action to that and we can change the world 🗺 our relationships and the way people see us. Right now I’m working on changing my body image and how I feel about myself and how I live my life the best way I live it. Happy Monday
First day of spring break
What I plan to do for spring break is organize plan and make new provisions for this house and hang out with friends it will be a relaxing time for me and a time to replenish rethink and re-strategize while thinking of new ways to make money I have a few things in the works but I’m going to continue to look for new ways to add to those things to bring in new streams of income. While still working on my weight and working on my house. 
This rain is relentless it makes the day seem really dreary but it is much needed I just hate having to go out in it because it’s so uncomfortable and I have to jump in the shower a lot in order to keep myself calm and comfortable it’s a real pain happy Friday everyone.
Late night hour
Most nights I don’t sleep I stay up and think and clean when I’m not working I do a lot of soul-searching and trying to figure out how I can get my passion out in the world because I love working with small children my dream is to have little children learning as much as they can before their brains become concrete and they are no longer able to absorb masses of information at an early age which will give them a love for learning for a lifetime. I have always watched from the time my children were little them absorb information so quickly and be in all by how they saw the world and so excited with them and for them to see everything that I had saw through fresh eyes.
When I look at children I know that they are the next great in this world and with the right nourishment and guidance they will become a memorable part of this society and this is why I try to work as hard as I can to encourage that growth and make them be the best that they can be I’m so proud of my own children and the children that I work with even though sometimes they can be difficult and give me a hard timeWhen I look at children I know that they are the next great in this world and with the right nourishment and guidance they will become a memorable part of this society and this is why I try to work as hard as I can to encourage that growth and make them be the best that they can be I’m so proud of my own children and the children that I work with even though sometimes they can be difficult and give me a hard time
I listen to Steve Harvey in the morning when I have time and he always gives the right motivational speech to say if you’re doing something that you love it never feels like a job and that is so true because when I’m working with kids it never feels like a drag or something that I hate doing I really love seeing their faces the joy in their eyes even when they roll their eyes because they see they’re gonna have to do some work with me it’s stillI listen to Steve Harvey in the morning when I have time and he always gives the right motivational speech to say if you’re doing something that you love it never feels like a job and that is so true because when I’m working with kids it never feels like a drag or something that I hate doing I really love seeing their faces the joy in their eyes even when they roll their eyes because they see they’re gonna have to do some work with me it’s still brings me peace in knowing that they will know something more when they leave my classroom and they will have a little bit more respect for themselves and their classmates as well as me for trying to help them be better at whatever it is they need to know. We’re going into spring break and I’m going to use this time to reflect on how I can help them better during this next period of time when I’ll be working with them. Happy break everyone I will be keeping up with my diet while on spring break I have lost even more weight over this time and I am not giving up this is my goal for the year and I will not stop until I reach my goal
I’ve lost 22 pounds yay
I have been on this weight loss journey since last year Nov and have not given up well I’ve been on it for years without success so I talked to my doctor about my frustrations and he helped me so ñow I have been dropping pounds consistently and I am very happy about that I’m still looking for my workout partners who will be my companions as well anyway we have almost made it through January already I can see this is going to be a great year and I am very excited about it work is going well and I’m finding like-minded friends that I’m looking to build with this year is helping me see me and I’m loving it Happy Wednesday
My week in a nutshell
This week has been eye opening for me I have already seen some difference’s already I have worked more and have been trying to get into the grove of the year I’ve been more tired and more active I’ve even worked out a couple of time’s. I am more proactive I am losing weight consistently and meeting new people my hope is to create consistent relationships that will allow me to feel what I need to feel in order to be in active and happy. I haven’t been in a relationship like this one before in my life it’s difficult to be or feel unloved by someone who is supposed to be your mate partner and friend who doesn’t believe in being consistent or loving to the person who has their back the most but he refuses to understand that because growing up in a loveless family makes you more likely to be a loveless person who doesn’t know how to create bonds that make life happy or bearable when you grow up in a loveless family more than likely become a contentious person who has no idea how to love someone fully I struggle with my inability to understand why he is the way he is or how to get a relationship that will be fulfilling and satisfiing to me. Well I’m off from work today because there’s no school and I am relaxing and working out but also I’m working on implementing things that will be beneficial to not just my life but the lives of those that I love. Happy Friday and enjoy this wonderful Martin Luther King weekend.
A hard day but good one
Today when I got to where I was going for work I ended up changing classrooms today and even though I ended up working with the same students that I worked with a couple days ago I still had to raise my voice a few times because it’s like a natural instinct for kids to be more rambunctious with a substitute teacher I’ve noticed that pattern because kids seem to think that because you’re subbing for them they can do whatever they want because you’re there for a limited time but one thing I think these students learned for the last few days is that if you want someone to give you time and attention you need to give them that respect of quietness when they are dealing with you so today and then on a good note and I feel more confident about it anyway happy throwback Thursday I’m still on my way lost journey and I believe I’m doing pretty good at it right now so I will continue to work towards my goal of dropping this hundred pounds over the next 9 months
The struggle is now not forever 