Tag: change

Still in this everyday

On By L Corelle GreenIn adventure, family, holiday season, Relationships, travelLeave a comment

I struggle everyday to get up and go I suffer from depression and anxiety and it’s hard for me to function in the world some days are harder than others I wonder why I’m still here and other days I have crazy bursts of energy where I want to go and go and go and not stop. I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night.

It doesn’t help that I spent an enormous amount of time alone without a lot of friends out here in Florida things are different out here. The best place I can remember is my street in Trenton New Jersey I know it’s not the same as when I was growing up but the camaraderie and the love that we all have for each other I haven’t felt or seen that anywhere else I have lived since we moved from there back in the 80s.

California was a whole different beast it was the first place we lived where you didn’t know your neighbors and everybody was very individualized it was so different but we were the same always loving supportive of whoever we was around that type of magnetic personality that made you want to be around us. I love the way my family has been throughout my life I wouldn’t be who I am today had they not been who they were as I was growing up. We did so many things together growing up traveling going places seeing stuff I’ll never forget how my mom opened us up to seeing the United States in a different light it’s a great thing when you have a parent who doesn’t mind traveling. I would have never been exposed to the things I was exposed to had my mom not done the things she’s done. I appreciate her a lot I wish I would have kept her traditions up like that conventions and the campground my kids will be different people had I done that.

I wouldn’t have been so open to moving to other states or exploring out of the country had my mom not showed me how big this world is. There are so many things that I still have to do in this world that I know that I want to do and won’t quit until I do. Have a great Tuesday. If you can travel as much as you can cause this is a big world that needs to be explored.

He is back home yay

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, narcissist, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

My grandson is back home with my daughter I am so happy for her having him back she kept her cool kept doing the work and it paid off.

I tried to share my good news to my narcissistic husband (big mistake) he took my news and turned it into a whole conversation about him and how bad women are 🙃😒🙄 I just kept saying geeze I’m sure sorry I even told you because you can never just celebrate with me it always has to go into something about you.

He says that by me saying that I made the whole conversation about me I told him at this point I’m getting off the phone with you because I refuse to be your punching bag any more (verbally of course) and I hung up the phone he kept calling me back saying because he pays the phone bill I don’t have a right to get off the phone he is a classic Libra for real with his entitlement attitude he has all the time this crazy.

He lives in his karma and it doesn’t let up because of the way he treats everyone especially me I try to talk to him but he will tell me I’m karma which is not true because I don’t treat people bad or use people for personal gain I don’t have a, you do for me and I’ll do for you attitude, because that’s not a positive way to be. I believe it’s you do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but he doesn’t believe that he believes if they do for him he will do for them he always has to be getting something in return no matter what and that selfish.

He says I’m a narcissist

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

I was having a conversation with husband last night and he told me I was a narcissist and that I think about myself always first it’s crazy. Because I always put other people first I have been told that to many times.

When I got with him his very first statement out of his mouth was he comes first he is always first place so from that point on I realized that (with him) I have to put myself first cause he will never look out for my best interest.

Then I find out he feels men need more then one women to be happy and that he feels this is biblical it’s crazy especially when he has never read the Bible. I was taught to follow the man that follows God how do I follow someone who is clearly the opposite of a godly man that will lead me to clearly to destruction do I ignore my morals and go with the flow or do I keep praying that he finds his way.

I know I’m not a narcissist and I definitely know he is and the way I am with him is a direct result of his treatment of me over time. I just hope he finds his way before it’s too late and he finds himself in a problem he can’t get out of. Anyway good morning guys have a wonderful Wednesday.

Happy Monday

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

Today is the first day of my workout I’m focused on my stomach area I’ve been working on my stomach area for years lol it has been the bane of my existence ever since my first C-section that pouch at the bottom of my stomach I have not been able to get rid of ever since then. My children are well grown now and I’m still working on getting rid of that couch I have thought about liposuction and taking fat burners eaten all kinds of healthy foods and steal that stomach is still sitting there I don’t know what else to try I even did the keto diet

I’m always the one trying to be as healthy as possible but nothing seems to work for me I think it has something to do with my thyroid problem and the fact that my knees are bad but I still keep trying. i’m always working at building myself up so that I can be here for the long-haul that’s important to me because I haven’t always wanted to be here for a long period of time there were some times when I was in a really dark place and I didn’t even want to live.

But I’m happy now that I’m doing better and feeling better and wanting more out of life even if it seems I’m not where I want to be I’m getting there and I’m working at getting better and that’s what’s important no matter what’s happening around me me being here is enough enjoy the rest of you guises day

Sunday Vibes

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

Today started out pretty good I woke up late in the morning went to pick up my meds and then came back home. To a man that always feels the things he says are simple when everything he says or ask is always a prelude to something way more sinister and taxing but he doesn’t ever see it that way so I’m always left with feelings of inadequacy or like I’ve caused a problem when I haven’t.

Then he’ll attach it to something else that has nothing to do with the subject at hand like he did me a favor by doing something when in the end he was the one that got the pleasure out of it, it’s crazy but I don’t get upset I’m used to it by I know I shouldn’t be because it’s not normal. I’m working on working through things and getting myself together so that I can be the best me possible.

I’m learning to enjoy my life even if I have to do that alone because my peace of mind is the most important to me and living my life the best way that I can is to me the best thing that I can do for myself and my family. Have a great Sunday you guys.

My heart rate

On By L Corelle GreenIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I always have a fast heart rate sometimes I can feel it in my chest and my throat to the point that I’m use to it beating out of control like this but times like now when it hinders me from doing things to help me gets frustrating.

I want to do so many things that depending on my body is a pain when it lets me down like this. I don’t know how to get my heart to not beat so fast? Anyway good morning

Am I wrong

On By L Corelle GreenIn RelationshipsLeave a comment

I want to be with a man that is open and honest with me. Doesn’t beat around the bush and play games with my heart or my head. Is that to much to ask for in a relationship?

I am very open minded and willing to give my everything to the people I care about as long as I feel the same thing in return it’s hard to give when I feel like I’m not appreciated or whatever I do falls on deaf ears.

I know relationships are give an take but what happens when you’re always giving and the other person minimizes what you give and makes it seem as if what they give is more significant than what you do? Even when what you do is really their responsibility and you take up the slack for them in every way possible when is enough enough?

MY CURSE Her Life

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, RelationshipsLeave a comment

When I was 3yrs old I lost my father to a heart attack I remembered small things about him but for the most part the main thing I remembered most was him falling down in church and never getting back up again. There was a lot around him falling but that was the main thing for me a small 3yr old on the front row in church.

After that we only had my mom and even though she was a great parent there are things that boys and girls really need from their dad. So when I thought to myself about when I grew up I knew just like my mom, and grandparents I was going to be a wife and mother raise my children with both parents. What I didn’t know was I never learned how to be a mate better yet a girlfriend I just knew how to obey and follow instructions. That’s what I was taught be seen and not heard and don’t cause a seen even if you don’t like it deal with it because they are your elder. It wasn’t proper to let my feelings be known. So I let men run all over me give me children and not take responsibility and leave me alone.

I thought I reversed it when I married and stayed with a man while my children were still young but he turned out to be the worst of the worse and my ex.

Now I’m watching the same pattern unfold in front of my eyes and I feel helpless to fight it and sad that I was unable to make sure that this didn’t happen to my children as it did to me the one thing I am super happy about is no matter what is going on with them they always support each other as I and my siblings did I didn’t go wrong there.

I take full responsibility

On By L Corelle GreenIn Relationships2 Comments

When I was growing up I was the youngest of 4 children my sister was the oldest who was 7 years older than me. My brothers were in the middle the younger of the two of them was still 4 years older than me often me and my (as I would call him) my older younger brother would bump heads a lot cause he always seem to be a big head to me but as a child my favorite word was “black dog” I would always get in trouble over that and fighting with my brother my other brother was my favorite he was funny and always cool to be around.

My mom always left my sister in charge we had the most fun on our block being latchkey kids our house was the spot to be at. It always seemed like we were the life of the party no matter where we lived there was this unspoken bond between us that made a world 🌎 of difference no matter who was around us. Especially if we sang together the harmony was out of this world.

We all live in different places now and we don’t get together like we use to I think 💭 of my siblings often and sometimes miss those holidays we would eat and watch movie marathons together because our interest are so much the same.

I realize there is nothing wrong with being smart or having smart people in my corner and I will not dumb down how I communicate in order to please anyone I take full responsibility for my own life and happiness and I choose to surround myself with like minded people who have goals and dreams that they plan on achieving I will not quit until I complete my task!

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