Tag: feelings

Going to Workout today

On By L Corelle GreenIn adventure, family, holiday season, Relationships, self love, travelLeave a comment

Today I woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep my body is conditioned to waking up at a certain hours so it’s really impossible for me to go back to sleep after that. I try to lay there but I feel this nervous energy and can’t stay laying down or else I will get a headache it’s as if I’m meant to do something that I am compelled to do that I still have not found out what that is yet.

I am going to the YMCA today to start my summer fitness program to help me get on track with my weight transformation I’ll keep you guys posted on my progress I’m really looking for a workout partner to hold me accountable during this time and celebrate the little victories with me.

This year has has had it’s set of challenges but for the most part I am still seeing change coming my way every day and it’s in a positive way. Either by the karma I see going on to someone who has not shown me the love and care I deserve or by the winning spree I have been on this year. The best part is I see great experiences coming that will be even better than what has happened already. The best it yet to come and I’m excited to see it in action. Happy Hump day everyone! Keep your head up and never give up.

Still in this everyday

On By L Corelle GreenIn adventure, family, holiday season, Relationships, travelLeave a comment

I struggle everyday to get up and go I suffer from depression and anxiety and it’s hard for me to function in the world some days are harder than others I wonder why I’m still here and other days I have crazy bursts of energy where I want to go and go and go and not stop. I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night.

It doesn’t help that I spent an enormous amount of time alone without a lot of friends out here in Florida things are different out here. The best place I can remember is my street in Trenton New Jersey I know it’s not the same as when I was growing up but the camaraderie and the love that we all have for each other I haven’t felt or seen that anywhere else I have lived since we moved from there back in the 80s.

California was a whole different beast it was the first place we lived where you didn’t know your neighbors and everybody was very individualized it was so different but we were the same always loving supportive of whoever we was around that type of magnetic personality that made you want to be around us. I love the way my family has been throughout my life I wouldn’t be who I am today had they not been who they were as I was growing up. We did so many things together growing up traveling going places seeing stuff I’ll never forget how my mom opened us up to seeing the United States in a different light it’s a great thing when you have a parent who doesn’t mind traveling. I would have never been exposed to the things I was exposed to had my mom not done the things she’s done. I appreciate her a lot I wish I would have kept her traditions up like that conventions and the campground my kids will be different people had I done that.

I wouldn’t have been so open to moving to other states or exploring out of the country had my mom not showed me how big this world is. There are so many things that I still have to do in this world that I know that I want to do and won’t quit until I do. Have a great Tuesday. If you can travel as much as you can cause this is a big world that needs to be explored.

Florida-Georgia weekend

On By L Corelle GreenIn adventure, family, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

Yesterday was the Florida Georgia game unfortunately Florida lost by a landslide maybe next year but on a brighter note there were a million people out there some folks were selling things some folks were making money from parking some folks wear just walking around with their Florida Georgia colors and some folks were just out and about to be in the atmosphere no matter what was going on everyone was enjoying themselves and enjoying the atmosphere out and about.

I didn’t go outside until late maybe around 5 p.m. because I was doing some stuff in the house but when I finally went outside that atmosphere was electric and it made me desire to walk and experience it I added a video as I walked around to look and see what was happening it was just so nice out the weather was nice everyone was just chilling and enjoying the camaraderie of everything happening. It was a great experience one of those things that you just want to experience again and again.

I think I will make the Florida-Georgia weekend a tradition for me because the experience is one that is really great I’m hoping next year I will experience it with someone who is wonderful to walk around with and chill with. Happy Sunday!

He’s Jealous of my past

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, narcissist, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

When I met my ex-husband I was in a very vulnerable state I was young and needed to feel appreciated and loved it was the simple things that mattered to me and he saw that and did what I needed at the time.

I had no idea he was just grooming me to be blinded to the dirt he was doing behind my back so yes I loved him unconditionally to the detriment of everything I loved or that matter to me in my life.

Fast-forward my new husband the libra ♎ is always probing for information whatever he can use against anyone at any given moment he kept asking me about my life with my ex and I explained a little bit about it and he went on and on talking about how I worked for my ex and how I like broke ni$_as even though that was not the case at all.

There were situations that my kids needed things and I definitely was not about to let them go without so I took a temporary job to satisfy the need at the time but he just kept going on and on about it saying I should work for him now I keep telling him the situation is not the same he is not him and my kids are grown. Then he’ll say I really loved that ni#$a. He wants that kind of love truth be told he has never treated me the way my ex did my feelings are not the same for him at all and more then likely never will be.

I am older wiser stronger and don’t want to love that way again especially with a man that can’t belong to me and only me. I have a lot to offer a mate and if he can’t give me something as simple as some of his time why would I give him my unconditional love I matter and to the right person I will mean the world to. He refuses to see that but still wants my best for him while he never sees his faults or what causes me my distress in him he will say I find things wrong that are not wrong. Happy Saturday y’all I will not let him mess with my mind period.

I completed my TMS

On By L Corelle GreenIn adventure, family, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

Today I went to my last TMS therapy appointment it has been my one constant for the last few weeks and the people there were so supportive and loving that I always wanted to go back even on the days when I felt the worst I always knew when I got there I would be greeted with a smile and treated with respect.

I enjoyed every minute of my time there with them and will miss them very much I almost cried leaving today but I do feel better having had been there with them for such a time as this.

I needed this break through and got it now it’s time for the work of life to begin. I will start something new and make that happen in my life to help better myself. Anyway happy Friday

He is back home yay

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, narcissist, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

My grandson is back home with my daughter I am so happy for her having him back she kept her cool kept doing the work and it paid off.

I tried to share my good news to my narcissistic husband (big mistake) he took my news and turned it into a whole conversation about him and how bad women are 🙃😒🙄 I just kept saying geeze I’m sure sorry I even told you because you can never just celebrate with me it always has to go into something about you.

He says that by me saying that I made the whole conversation about me I told him at this point I’m getting off the phone with you because I refuse to be your punching bag any more (verbally of course) and I hung up the phone he kept calling me back saying because he pays the phone bill I don’t have a right to get off the phone he is a classic Libra for real with his entitlement attitude he has all the time this crazy.

He lives in his karma and it doesn’t let up because of the way he treats everyone especially me I try to talk to him but he will tell me I’m karma which is not true because I don’t treat people bad or use people for personal gain I don’t have a, you do for me and I’ll do for you attitude, because that’s not a positive way to be. I believe it’s you do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but he doesn’t believe that he believes if they do for him he will do for them he always has to be getting something in return no matter what and that selfish.

He says I’m a narcissist

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

I was having a conversation with husband last night and he told me I was a narcissist and that I think about myself always first it’s crazy. Because I always put other people first I have been told that to many times.

When I got with him his very first statement out of his mouth was he comes first he is always first place so from that point on I realized that (with him) I have to put myself first cause he will never look out for my best interest.

Then I find out he feels men need more then one women to be happy and that he feels this is biblical it’s crazy especially when he has never read the Bible. I was taught to follow the man that follows God how do I follow someone who is clearly the opposite of a godly man that will lead me to clearly to destruction do I ignore my morals and go with the flow or do I keep praying that he finds his way.

I know I’m not a narcissist and I definitely know he is and the way I am with him is a direct result of his treatment of me over time. I just hope he finds his way before it’s too late and he finds himself in a problem he can’t get out of. Anyway good morning guys have a wonderful Wednesday.

Tuesday WOW

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

I was almost hit by a van that ran a stop sign today. I had quick refluxes and turned my car so fast and drove forward to make sure there was room between me and that car. My heart almost jumped out my chest.

I don’t have many instances like that but this one made me think about how things can change in an instant I’m really glad I was not hurt for real. On a brighter note my niece Jordyn has a birthday today I hope she has a great day.

Happy Monday

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

Today is the first day of my workout I’m focused on my stomach area I’ve been working on my stomach area for years lol it has been the bane of my existence ever since my first C-section that pouch at the bottom of my stomach I have not been able to get rid of ever since then. My children are well grown now and I’m still working on getting rid of that couch I have thought about liposuction and taking fat burners eaten all kinds of healthy foods and steal that stomach is still sitting there I don’t know what else to try I even did the keto diet

I’m always the one trying to be as healthy as possible but nothing seems to work for me I think it has something to do with my thyroid problem and the fact that my knees are bad but I still keep trying. i’m always working at building myself up so that I can be here for the long-haul that’s important to me because I haven’t always wanted to be here for a long period of time there were some times when I was in a really dark place and I didn’t even want to live.

But I’m happy now that I’m doing better and feeling better and wanting more out of life even if it seems I’m not where I want to be I’m getting there and I’m working at getting better and that’s what’s important no matter what’s happening around me me being here is enough enjoy the rest of you guises day

Sunday Vibes

On By L Corelle GreenIn family, Relationships, self loveLeave a comment

Today started out pretty good I woke up late in the morning went to pick up my meds and then came back home. To a man that always feels the things he says are simple when everything he says or ask is always a prelude to something way more sinister and taxing but he doesn’t ever see it that way so I’m always left with feelings of inadequacy or like I’ve caused a problem when I haven’t.

Then he’ll attach it to something else that has nothing to do with the subject at hand like he did me a favor by doing something when in the end he was the one that got the pleasure out of it, it’s crazy but I don’t get upset I’m used to it by I know I shouldn’t be because it’s not normal. I’m working on working through things and getting myself together so that I can be the best me possible.

I’m learning to enjoy my life even if I have to do that alone because my peace of mind is the most important to me and living my life the best way that I can is to me the best thing that I can do for myself and my family. Have a great Sunday you guys.