I have been in California for almost a month now and I have accomplished most of the things I have come to do except for one thing and that’s the most important thing I came to do I’m constantly thinking of different ways to get it done but still have not done it yet. My frustration is overwhelming and I feel like I am close but not there yet. It has been a very productive month but I really need my income to come through that’s my goal and I must lose this weight as well it’s been slow and steady I am working on it every day continuously anyway I met someone who I think is going to be a good match for me also very excited about this person as well keeping positive vibes up to bring in this new person happy Monday
Tag: food
Going to California
I’m going home in a few weeks I haven’t been back there in 5 years and I’m excited to go it’s one of those things where I know I’m going to be around people like me and I will have time to feel like myself and have people who love me for me and the excitement is overwhelming. While at the same time I feel a sadness that I’m leaving my stuff here with someone who doesn’t cherish the things that I cherish not knowing if the things that I love will be here when I get back because of his arrogance and I don’t care attitude even though I know I wouldn’t do that to him he would do that to me and I feel angry and scared all at the same time because these are the things that I didn’t want to lose that I’ve taken with me everywhere that I went. I am very happy to be going around people that celebrate each other where I won’t have to see another birthday alone this year and I will be able to visit friends who like having people over just so many things to do that make life worthwhile I can’t wait to go most of all to get away from here and be in a good happy environment for once without someone who is pessimistic about everything and never has a kind word to say about anyone especially women because he’s bitter and narcissistic on the Covert side due to lack of nurturing I no longer take the blame for that or even care life is to short to live unhappy with someone who is supposed to love me but puts me last at every turn I’m worth more than green that’s just my name anyway happy Juneteenth
My husband got out of the hospital
It had been a week and he was still not doing well when I called 911 for him he had scared me and I wasn’t going to lose him. He was talking crazy but he was alive, I couldn’t put my finger on it and I didn’t know how to cope with it but I knew he wasn’t ready to go home in a short amount of time he was putting his affairs in order telling me what to do and how I would be able to sustain myself after he was gone and that was not rational to me him being in his 40s we have a whole life to live and I kept telling him that but he wasn’t trying to hear me he just kept saying let him go. When they finally got him to a point where he was starting to get of sound mind he began to blame me for keeping him there and that hurt even worse because when I care about somebody their life is the most important thing to me and their survival is paramount to everything else. I would never want anything to happen to him despite his treatment of people or me I still want him around because everybody deserves every chance until that last chance is given now I feel like an outsider because I wanted to check on him and was told they will see if he’s up for company (While staying at a non-immediate family members house) when I’m his wife now I’m a part of everybody else amazing that really hurts when I am the one that got him to the hospital it’s crazy if I’m only the tables were turned.
A day missed
I was so active yesterday that I didn’t realize how much that was going to effect my body today I usually have the same routine. But when I get up this morning I was so tired that I couldn’t function or move so I kept saying a few more minutes that turned into a few hours and missed appointments.
I still ended up going food shopping but was even more exhausted after that been trying to get my spring cleaning done but it’s like this house has never ending work to do and it is really overwhelming I don’t want to give up though just wish I had friends to join in it would be different but I don’t have someone like that. Anyway happy Wednesday
First day of spring break
What I plan to do for spring break is organize plan and make new provisions for this house and hang out with friends it will be a relaxing time for me and a time to replenish rethink and re-strategize while thinking of new ways to make money I have a few things in the works but I’m going to continue to look for new ways to add to those things to bring in new streams of income. While still working on my weight and working on my house. 
This rain is relentless it makes the day seem really dreary but it is much needed I just hate having to go out in it because it’s so uncomfortable and I have to jump in the shower a lot in order to keep myself calm and comfortable it’s a real pain happy Friday everyone.
Late night hour
Most nights I don’t sleep I stay up and think and clean when I’m not working I do a lot of soul-searching and trying to figure out how I can get my passion out in the world because I love working with small children my dream is to have little children learning as much as they can before their brains become concrete and they are no longer able to absorb masses of information at an early age which will give them a love for learning for a lifetime. I have always watched from the time my children were little them absorb information so quickly and be in all by how they saw the world and so excited with them and for them to see everything that I had saw through fresh eyes.
When I look at children I know that they are the next great in this world and with the right nourishment and guidance they will become a memorable part of this society and this is why I try to work as hard as I can to encourage that growth and make them be the best that they can be I’m so proud of my own children and the children that I work with even though sometimes they can be difficult and give me a hard timeWhen I look at children I know that they are the next great in this world and with the right nourishment and guidance they will become a memorable part of this society and this is why I try to work as hard as I can to encourage that growth and make them be the best that they can be I’m so proud of my own children and the children that I work with even though sometimes they can be difficult and give me a hard time
I listen to Steve Harvey in the morning when I have time and he always gives the right motivational speech to say if you’re doing something that you love it never feels like a job and that is so true because when I’m working with kids it never feels like a drag or something that I hate doing I really love seeing their faces the joy in their eyes even when they roll their eyes because they see they’re gonna have to do some work with me it’s stillI listen to Steve Harvey in the morning when I have time and he always gives the right motivational speech to say if you’re doing something that you love it never feels like a job and that is so true because when I’m working with kids it never feels like a drag or something that I hate doing I really love seeing their faces the joy in their eyes even when they roll their eyes because they see they’re gonna have to do some work with me it’s still brings me peace in knowing that they will know something more when they leave my classroom and they will have a little bit more respect for themselves and their classmates as well as me for trying to help them be better at whatever it is they need to know. We’re going into spring break and I’m going to use this time to reflect on how I can help them better during this next period of time when I’ll be working with them. Happy break everyone I will be keeping up with my diet while on spring break I have lost even more weight over this time and I am not giving up this is my goal for the year and I will not stop until I reach my goal
A hard day but good one
Today when I got to where I was going for work I ended up changing classrooms today and even though I ended up working with the same students that I worked with a couple days ago I still had to raise my voice a few times because it’s like a natural instinct for kids to be more rambunctious with a substitute teacher I’ve noticed that pattern because kids seem to think that because you’re subbing for them they can do whatever they want because you’re there for a limited time but one thing I think these students learned for the last few days is that if you want someone to give you time and attention you need to give them that respect of quietness when they are dealing with you so today and then on a good note and I feel more confident about it anyway happy throwback Thursday I’m still on my way lost journey and I believe I’m doing pretty good at it right now so I will continue to work towards my goal of dropping this hundred pounds over the next 9 months
He did it on purpose
I was out looking at my car today I saw all these scratches on her at first couldn’t understand what had happened to my baby then I realized my husband’s son is the only one who washes my car and he washed my car with a rag that had branches and leaves in it and didn’t care what it did to my car even though I am the one who drives him around everywhere he goes I felt like that was messed up and if I had the choice he would walk everywhere from now on frfr anyway happy Monday
Happy New Year
Today is January 1st 2021 I finally came up with my New Year’s resolutions this year is a year of completion I’m going to work at completing a lot of my goals this year I started them last year but this year it is my goal to complete them. I am excited to live my best life and do the things that will bring joy happiness and excitement to my life and those that I love around me.
Always feel like everyday is a new beginning a chance to start over and accomplish things that I didn’t accomplish the day before but this time I’m not only will accomplish those things I will add on to them and not give up anyway happy New Year here’s to a year of accomplishing goals finishing task and having fun while doing it.
Merry Christmas/ family day
Today most of us get together to celebrate the end of the year, the birth of Christ or each other making it through another year. Because so many of us didn’t make it for verious reasons so on this December 25,2021 celebrate yourself and always remember no matter what happens in your life you are wonderful and worth a celebration everyday you wake up and see your beautiful face. Have a wonderful holiday no matter how you celebrate it. If no one told you I am telling you you are awesome sauce!!!
The struggle is now not forever 