Happy Saturday today I am out and about trying to find creative ways to bring in extra money since it’s needed to keep our lives moving forward the possibilities are endless and I definitely plan to make the most of it because I am naturally a money maker especially when I put my mind to it so let the games begin.
Today is Friday November 5th 2021 I took my puppy outside I didn’t like that too much because it’s raining and the rain just makes you cold and uncomfortable I use to love to play in the rain as a child because in New Jersey when it rain it would get pitch black dark and you would see thunder and lightning and the rain would just pour and pour and pour it was always fun to just run through the rain.
When I got older and move to California the rain wasn’t so fun anymore because it was always uncomfortable made your clothes feel weird and sticky so I stopped going out in the rain especially after my mom fell on the bus and broke her leg in three places had a cast all the way up to her waist because it was raining and the bus what’s really wet and she slipped and fell.
I try not to come out in the rain too much because traffic be crazy people drive different and you always have to be extra extra cautious just to stay safe. I really miss those times as a child happy and just not worried about anything coming towards me in a negative way. Sometimes adulting is very difficult but when you have peace of mind it’s always worth it. Enjoy the rest of y’alls day!
I struggle everyday to get up and go I suffer from depression and anxiety and it’s hard for me to function in the world some days are harder than others I wonder why I’m still here and other days I have crazy bursts of energy where I want to go and go and go and not stop. I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night.
It doesn’t help that I spent an enormous amount of time alone without a lot of friends out here in Florida things are different out here. The best place I can remember is my street in Trenton New Jersey I know it’s not the same as when I was growing up but the camaraderie and the love that we all have for each other I haven’t felt or seen that anywhere else I have lived since we moved from there back in the 80s.
California was a whole different beast it was the first place we lived where you didn’t know your neighbors and everybody was very individualized it was so different but we were the same always loving supportive of whoever we was around that type of magnetic personality that made you want to be around us. I love the way my family has been throughout my life I wouldn’t be who I am today had they not been who they were as I was growing up. We did so many things together growing up traveling going places seeing stuff I’ll never forget how my mom opened us up to seeing the United States in a different light it’s a great thing when you have a parent who doesn’t mind traveling. I would have never been exposed to the things I was exposed to had my mom not done the things she’s done. I appreciate her a lot I wish I would have kept her traditions up like that conventions and the campground my kids will be different people had I done that.
I wouldn’t have been so open to moving to other states or exploring out of the country had my mom not showed me how big this world is. There are so many things that I still have to do in this world that I know that I want to do and won’t quit until I do. Have a great Tuesday. If you can travel as much as you can cause this is a big world that needs to be explored.
When I met my ex-husband I was in a very vulnerable state I was young and needed to feel appreciated and loved it was the simple things that mattered to me and he saw that and did what I needed at the time.
I had no idea he was just grooming me to be blinded to the dirt he was doing behind my back so yes I loved him unconditionally to the detriment of everything I loved or that matter to me in my life.
Fast-forward my new husband the libra ♎ is always probing for information whatever he can use against anyone at any given moment he kept asking me about my life with my ex and I explained a little bit about it and he went on and on talking about how I worked for my ex and how I like broke ni$_as even though that was not the case at all.
There were situations that my kids needed things and I definitely was not about to let them go without so I took a temporary job to satisfy the need at the time but he just kept going on and on about it saying I should work for him now I keep telling him the situation is not the same he is not him and my kids are grown. Then he’ll say I really loved that ni#$a. He wants that kind of love truth be told he has never treated me the way my ex did my feelings are not the same for him at all and more then likely never will be.
I am older wiser stronger and don’t want to love that way again especially with a man that can’t belong to me and only me. I have a lot to offer a mate and if he can’t give me something as simple as some of his time why would I give him my unconditional love I matter and to the right person I will mean the world to. He refuses to see that but still wants my best for him while he never sees his faults or what causes me my distress in him he will say I find things wrong that are not wrong. Happy Saturday y’all I will not let him mess with my mind period.
I was having a conversation with husband last night and he told me I was a narcissist and that I think about myself always first it’s crazy. Because I always put other people first I have been told that to many times.
When I got with him his very first statement out of his mouth was he comes first he is always first place so from that point on I realized that (with him) I have to put myself first cause he will never look out for my best interest.
Then I find out he feels men need more then one women to be happy and that he feels this is biblical it’s crazy especially when he has never read the Bible. I was taught to follow the man that follows God how do I follow someone who is clearly the opposite of a godly man that will lead me to clearly to destruction do I ignore my morals and go with the flow or do I keep praying that he finds his way.
I know I’m not a narcissist and I definitely know he is and the way I am with him is a direct result of his treatment of me over time. I just hope he finds his way before it’s too late and he finds himself in a problem he can’t get out of. Anyway good morning guys have a wonderful Wednesday.
Today started out pretty good I woke up late in the morning went to pick up my meds and then came back home. To a man that always feels the things he says are simple when everything he says or ask is always a prelude to something way more sinister and taxing but he doesn’t ever see it that way so I’m always left with feelings of inadequacy or like I’ve caused a problem when I haven’t.
Then he’ll attach it to something else that has nothing to do with the subject at hand like he did me a favor by doing something when in the end he was the one that got the pleasure out of it, it’s crazy but I don’t get upset I’m used to it by I know I shouldn’t be because it’s not normal. I’m working on working through things and getting myself together so that I can be the best me possible.
I’m learning to enjoy my life even if I have to do that alone because my peace of mind is the most important to me and living my life the best way that I can is to me the best thing that I can do for myself and my family. Have a great Sunday you guys.
I was in a a relationship for over 10 years with a man I loved and hated all at the same time. I would often pray back then that God would either let him die first or end of in jail forever just so I could be free from him cause I was afraid of him but I also felt indebted to him as well. He was mentally and emotionally and physically sexually abusive not just to me but to our children I was so used to being used that I never even saw the person that he was until it was too late and I was back being that little girl who was used to being treated poorly with no way out.
I came to him with no self-esteem looking any old kind of way like a tomboy and he showed me how to drive, pay bills, get my own place, and care for my own life then he used all that to break me completely to the point where I was ready to end my own life after finding out he used my love for him to blind me to what he was doing to my children. But it is a true statement what is done ✅ in the dark will always come to the light 💡 so I guess that’s why he is in prison forever.
Which brings me to the question at hand ✍️ does truth really matter when I got with my now partner I had only one ☝️ criteria I didn’t care if he made mistakes just tell me the truth. I believe if someone has certain feelings or beliefs I should have the choice if I want to be apart of that or not don’t lie to me or about me to someone else and not let me in on this and expect me to go along with the story you told.
I am open to a poly relationship but not if me of the other person female/s don’t know about each other it’s (to me) not healthy or safe and most of all it’s not balanced no matter how people try to make it seem like it’s a great thing quality time is supposed to mean something not just words. It takes work to make a relationship succeed and the more people in that relationship the more work the dominant person which is supposed to be the man has to put in if it’s that kind of relationship. I always want to feel apart weather it be myself a woman and a man, myself and a woman or myself and a man I need to feel connected always. So tell me does the truth make relationships better or worse?
The struggle is now not forever 