I’m going home in a few weeks I haven’t been back there in 5 years and I’m excited to go it’s one of those things where I know I’m going to be around people like me and I will have time to feel like myself and have people who love me for me and the excitement is overwhelming. While at the same time I feel a sadness that I’m leaving my stuff here with someone who doesn’t cherish the things that I cherish not knowing if the things that I love will be here when I get back because of his arrogance and I don’t care attitude even though I know I wouldn’t do that to him he would do that to me and I feel angry and scared all at the same time because these are the things that I didn’t want to lose that I’ve taken with me everywhere that I went. I am very happy to be going around people that celebrate each other where I won’t have to see another birthday alone this year and I will be able to visit friends who like having people over just so many things to do that make life worthwhile I can’t wait to go most of all to get away from here and be in a good happy environment for once without someone who is pessimistic about everything and never has a kind word to say about anyone especially women because he’s bitter and narcissistic on the Covert side due to lack of nurturing I no longer take the blame for that or even care life is to short to live unhappy with someone who is supposed to love me but puts me last at every turn I’m worth more than green that’s just my name anyway happy Juneteenth
Tag: travel
My husband got out of the hospital
It had been a week and he was still not doing well when I called 911 for him he had scared me and I wasn’t going to lose him. He was talking crazy but he was alive, I couldn’t put my finger on it and I didn’t know how to cope with it but I knew he wasn’t ready to go home in a short amount of time he was putting his affairs in order telling me what to do and how I would be able to sustain myself after he was gone and that was not rational to me him being in his 40s we have a whole life to live and I kept telling him that but he wasn’t trying to hear me he just kept saying let him go. When they finally got him to a point where he was starting to get of sound mind he began to blame me for keeping him there and that hurt even worse because when I care about somebody their life is the most important thing to me and their survival is paramount to everything else. I would never want anything to happen to him despite his treatment of people or me I still want him around because everybody deserves every chance until that last chance is given now I feel like an outsider because I wanted to check on him and was told they will see if he’s up for company (While staying at a non-immediate family members house) when I’m his wife now I’m a part of everybody else amazing that really hurts when I am the one that got him to the hospital it’s crazy if I’m only the tables were turned.
Late night hour
Most nights I don’t sleep I stay up and think and clean when I’m not working I do a lot of soul-searching and trying to figure out how I can get my passion out in the world because I love working with small children my dream is to have little children learning as much as they can before their brains become concrete and they are no longer able to absorb masses of information at an early age which will give them a love for learning for a lifetime. I have always watched from the time my children were little them absorb information so quickly and be in all by how they saw the world and so excited with them and for them to see everything that I had saw through fresh eyes.
When I look at children I know that they are the next great in this world and with the right nourishment and guidance they will become a memorable part of this society and this is why I try to work as hard as I can to encourage that growth and make them be the best that they can be I’m so proud of my own children and the children that I work with even though sometimes they can be difficult and give me a hard timeWhen I look at children I know that they are the next great in this world and with the right nourishment and guidance they will become a memorable part of this society and this is why I try to work as hard as I can to encourage that growth and make them be the best that they can be I’m so proud of my own children and the children that I work with even though sometimes they can be difficult and give me a hard time
I listen to Steve Harvey in the morning when I have time and he always gives the right motivational speech to say if you’re doing something that you love it never feels like a job and that is so true because when I’m working with kids it never feels like a drag or something that I hate doing I really love seeing their faces the joy in their eyes even when they roll their eyes because they see they’re gonna have to do some work with me it’s stillI listen to Steve Harvey in the morning when I have time and he always gives the right motivational speech to say if you’re doing something that you love it never feels like a job and that is so true because when I’m working with kids it never feels like a drag or something that I hate doing I really love seeing their faces the joy in their eyes even when they roll their eyes because they see they’re gonna have to do some work with me it’s still brings me peace in knowing that they will know something more when they leave my classroom and they will have a little bit more respect for themselves and their classmates as well as me for trying to help them be better at whatever it is they need to know. We’re going into spring break and I’m going to use this time to reflect on how I can help them better during this next period of time when I’ll be working with them. Happy break everyone I will be keeping up with my diet while on spring break I have lost even more weight over this time and I am not giving up this is my goal for the year and I will not stop until I reach my goal
A piece of paper
I had to take a long ride with my husband to advocate for him out of town but for me it was a time to get away with someone I love ❤️ and also help him convey how he is doing on a daily basis like I always do. Instead of this being a relaxing time it became an interrogation of all the things he feels I have done wrong because of his belief that he should have many relationships but not let those people know he has a wife or mate and I feel that’s wrong because he is taking their right to choose away because he can not comment to any of them so I feel like he is using them and he gets angry 😡 with me and denys me the things I desire.
He told me on this trip we are only married on paper he is not really married to me and as I thought 💭 about that and all that I have done for him it really hurt 😔 my feelings that he could be that disrespectful to me but then again what did I expect from a person that uses and disrespects women all the time in (including his own sisters) the first place can’t blame anyone but myself. Happy Saturday the last one in February! Happy Black History month
Long term love that’s real
This week on the 25th marked my one year anniversary being married to my husband Làron and you know what we did nothing because he has said that I don’t follow him which is not true I knew not to be with someone like him in the first place but my loving heart told me to try to make it work now I’m with a person who never celebrates me or takes in the things that I feel are important and has an explosive argumentative personality that no matter what I say he always say the opposite and honestly I’m really tired of it I want my peace back where I can have my hope and watch things work out for me in my face with out his hate speech because nothing works out for him because of what he spews out of his mouth all the time Anyway I am in the process of making new friends that are like minded so that I can have people to celebrate and who will celebrate me it seems to be working and I’m good with it.
My week in a nutshell
This week has been eye opening for me I have already seen some difference’s already I have worked more and have been trying to get into the grove of the year I’ve been more tired and more active I’ve even worked out a couple of time’s. I am more proactive I am losing weight consistently and meeting new people my hope is to create consistent relationships that will allow me to feel what I need to feel in order to be in active and happy. I haven’t been in a relationship like this one before in my life it’s difficult to be or feel unloved by someone who is supposed to be your mate partner and friend who doesn’t believe in being consistent or loving to the person who has their back the most but he refuses to understand that because growing up in a loveless family makes you more likely to be a loveless person who doesn’t know how to create bonds that make life happy or bearable when you grow up in a loveless family more than likely become a contentious person who has no idea how to love someone fully I struggle with my inability to understand why he is the way he is or how to get a relationship that will be fulfilling and satisfiing to me. Well I’m off from work today because there’s no school and I am relaxing and working out but also I’m working on implementing things that will be beneficial to not just my life but the lives of those that I love. Happy Friday and enjoy this wonderful Martin Luther King weekend.
A hard day but good one
Today when I got to where I was going for work I ended up changing classrooms today and even though I ended up working with the same students that I worked with a couple days ago I still had to raise my voice a few times because it’s like a natural instinct for kids to be more rambunctious with a substitute teacher I’ve noticed that pattern because kids seem to think that because you’re subbing for them they can do whatever they want because you’re there for a limited time but one thing I think these students learned for the last few days is that if you want someone to give you time and attention you need to give them that respect of quietness when they are dealing with you so today and then on a good note and I feel more confident about it anyway happy throwback Thursday I’m still on my way lost journey and I believe I’m doing pretty good at it right now so I will continue to work towards my goal of dropping this hundred pounds over the next 9 months
Make some changes
Back on my grind today and I’m happy about it I set some goals that I plan on achieving this year as far as my finances go as far as my weight goes and as far as my personal life goals so this year I am putting my best foot forward I’m moving into this year in a path that will show results and I’m very excited about that happy Tuesday I hope that all of you who have set goals and a purpose to fulfill does fulfill that goal plus some because I plan on doing that in my own life for the rest of my life. When it comes to my family myself my work my relationships and my life expectancy all of these matter to me a lot and I will not stop until I accomplish every single thing that I have set out to accomplish.
He said I’m not worth shit wow
My husband said I’m not worth shit yeah because I did not agree with his opinion wow that’s crazy I never thought that I would have to deal with someone who’s out like I was not worth shit because I didn’t agree with their opinion quite interesting the classic definition of a narcissist would be this man. He seems to be upset right now because I’m not saying what he wants me to say and the words that he used our backfiring on him I guess and that’s why he’s mad now whatever and dealing with it he can be mad all he wants is at the end of the day he needs to learn that if he’s not decisive he’s indecisive and indecisiveness doesn’t get you nowhere so be mad be angry but deal with it the fuck ever it doesn’t pay to be a narcissist and have to deal with someone who knows how to deal with a narcissist I guess but I don’t give a fuck because my sister was a Libra just like my husband and he hast to learn so he grabbed me again and said he’s strong lol that’s funny he must not realize I’m just as strong as he is so I pushed his hand away showing him that his mediocre strength isn’t shit whatever I’m gonna go to bed now but if he touches me again it will be the last time he ever does
Happy New Year
Today is January 1st 2021 I finally came up with my New Year’s resolutions this year is a year of completion I’m going to work at completing a lot of my goals this year I started them last year but this year it is my goal to complete them. I am excited to live my best life and do the things that will bring joy happiness and excitement to my life and those that I love around me.
Always feel like everyday is a new beginning a chance to start over and accomplish things that I didn’t accomplish the day before but this time I’m not only will accomplish those things I will add on to them and not give up anyway happy New Year here’s to a year of accomplishing goals finishing task and having fun while doing it.
The struggle is now not forever 